There was nothing amiss, really. A bunch of them were playing with the doctor set (all below the age of 6), and one was just being particularly rough with another. That’s it. No funny business. We put an end to the rough play, told them not to hurt each other and came out to inform the other parents. A collective sigh of relief went around the room.

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“Child sexual abuse happens because the system of silence around the act perpetuates it. It represses children; the repression of children is unlikely to create a flourishing society, economically, emotionally, equally or spiritually,” began a judgment passed by the Madras High Court Bench here on Thursday quoting Pinki Virani, author of Bitter Chocolate.

Justice K. Chandru delivered the judgment in a couple of writ petitions filed by the father of a seventh standard girl who was one among many reportedly subjected to various forms of sexual abuse by S. Arockiasamy, headmaster of a government high school at Podhumbu, a nondescript village in Madurai West Taluk here. The educational authorities had suspended him from service last year after a preliminary enquiry.

The petitioner had sought compensation as well as a fair investigation by the police. Accepting both the pleas, the judge directed the Madurai Collector to pay a compensation of Rs.1.2 lakh to every girl child who was sexually abused by the headmaster under the threat of awarding low marks in the examinations and making adverse remarks in their conduct certificates.

Arriving at the compensation amount of Rs.1.2 lakh from the statutory prescription for victims of sexual exploitation under the Scheduled Castes and Scheduled Tribes (Prevention of Atrocities) Act, the judge made it clear that a similar amount must be paid to non-Dalit student victims too without any discrimination.”

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Years later, she recounted the incident to me, her narrative punctuated with wry laughter. It was like one of those awful, trashy romance novels, she said, his hardness against you and that sort of tripe. Only there is nothing romantic about being felt up and violated by someone you trust, someone your family trusts, is there?

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Despite the circle of protection, there was the occasional groping in crowded streets or public transport. I was always vocal in my protest, knowing that my parents had my back. When I was older and traveled alone, I almost always managed to deal with perpetrators of uncomfortable touches firmly and effectively. I can safely say that I had a lucky childhood. Luckier by far than millions of women and men my age had as children. And I appreciate how lucky I was even more, now that I am mother to a five-year-old boy, entrusted with his safety and wellbeing. I hope to be as vigilant and as militant as my father was, not worrying about ruffling feathers, when it comes to protecting my child from sexual predators. The fact that there is a lot of information available online about child safety helps a great deal.

I have, over the years, created my own safety checklist, culled from various online sources, that I swear by. I often worry if I am doing all I can to keep my child safe or if there is something more I should do. The fear of falling short of what’s expected of me as a mother haunts me, but I try to do the best I can.

• Teach your child about private parts of his/her body.
• Ensure your child knows that it is wrong and against the law for an adult to touch a child in his/her private parts or ask him/her to touch his/her private parts.
• Make sure your child knows that he/she can say “no” to an adult and can resist any attempt of an adult to act in a sexual way.
• Teach your child that he/she has the sole right over their own body and that no other person has a right to touch him/her in a sexual way. Tell your child that a doctor can touch his/her private parts when a parent is present.
• Teach your child that he/she can say “no” to hugs and other kinds of touches, even though not sexual. Sometimes offenders will hug tight, tickle, or engage in other touching behaviors in the grooming process. Encourage your child to follow his/her intuition and say “no” when he/she does not feel safe.
• Do not make your child hug, kiss, or show affection to other family members (uncles, grandfathers, cousins). If your child feels safe and comfortable and wants to hug someone, he/she can do of their own accord.
• Help your child develop strong communication skills. Discuss, not just abuse, but many topics. Make sure your child knows why it is important to come to you or another trusted adult to report abuse if it occurs.
• Make sure that you know who your child’s friends are.
• Make sure that your child knows never to get into a car with anyone, strangers or otherwise, without your permission.
• Force is not usually necessary when adults abuse children. Children are dependent on adults and are naturally trusting. A child wants to please and a sexual offender often feeds off the child’s eagerness for love and approval. Make sure your child gets ample love and approval from you.
• If you live in the U.S., visit http://www.familywatchdog.us/ to get a list of sexual offenders living in and around your locality and your child’s school. This website will also help you choose a safe location when you’re buying or renting a home.

Sticking to these guidelines is not always easy. And you might end up ruffling quite a few more feathers than you expected. But I would rather be branded a Momzilla than compromise on the safety of my child. I know you would, too.

Rita Bhattacharjee

And yet, tell them we must. It is our job to make them stronger with knowledge and tools. They must know how to protect themselves. We tell them not to talk to strangers or accept sweets from them for fear of drugs or kidnapping. We tell them about germs and viruses for fear of illnesses. This is no different – it is a disease that they must learn not to fall prey to by being strong, vocal and learning to take appropriate action.

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