It’s been interesting to watch the world around us change over the last few years of running this initiative. More writing on CSA – be it poetry, fiction or personal accounts. More advertising bringing the taboo out in the open. More posters saying what words sometimes fail to convey.

But even as the month raced by, it seemed as though a message was being sent to us. A five year old kidnapped by her neighbours and tortured and raped in a basement. A six year old raped and dumped in a public toilet. A four year old girl in Madhya Pradesh lured by the promise of some food and raped. She died of a cardiac arrest while in hospital. A message that more awareness is needed – that we’re nowhere as safe as we need to be. It’s not that child abuse is a new trend; it’s just that we’re reporting it more, talking about it more and more aware that we need to protect our children.

And by protect, we mean to empower them, teach them, instill confidence in them that they can come to us with every little story, nothing too small for our attention – be it that Uncle in the colony who keeps offering them sweets to come in or the conductor bhaiya who invites them to sit in his lap.

On that note, we’d like to thank everyone who helped us bring this month of awareness to you – volunteers, contributors, NGOs and of course you, the readers.

Until next year…

Her father, Gagan Sharma (name changed), had moved from Kolkata to a slum in west Delhi in 2003 in search of a better life. The little girl had been listless and reluctant to go to school for weeks. Now, when her mother asked her what had happened, she told the story haltingly, riven by fear.

She spoke of a bald man — the principal’s husband — who had threatened to hang her from a ceiling fan if she dared to open her mouth. She spoke of how he had taken her to the bathroom, made her lie down, and inserted his penis and fingers into her vagina and her anus, blaring music in his room to drown any noise. She spoke of how he had done this to her many times before, forcing her to keep quiet by saying terrible things would happen to her parents if she talked about it.

The girl’s mouth was full of ulcers from a drug the alleged perpetrator — a man called Pramod Malik — had forced her to take to render her unconscious while he raped her.

The fact of the rape is horrific enough. Here’s what came after. According to the parents, it took them 12 hours at the police station to get an FIR registered. They were taunted by a woman sub-inspector for living in a colony of “disrepute”; their own reputation was questioned; the little girl was asked to recount her story in front of three policemen. The woman sub-inspector prefaced the inquiry by telling the little girl: “Tell the truth or insects will crawl all over you and your mother and father will be beaten.”

Despite these threats, the little girl repeated her story exactly as she had told it to her parents. In the magistrate’s court, she was challenged again. She told her story again. The medical examiner, however, ruled out rape and left the report vague. The headmaster was let out on bail on 28 February. On the other hand, Gagan Sharma’s landlord asked him and his family to leave. They are still struggling with the case.

Now, hear the story of a second. Asha, an 18- year-old in Gowandi, a slum in Mumbai, is a volunteer with a community-based NGO called Aastha Parivar that helps slum-dwellers and sex workers — the poor and the marginalised — lodge complaints with the police. One day, her 14-year-old friend Neelima (name changed) complained about being harassed by a boy next door. Emboldened by her training at the NGO, Asha took her friend to the police to complain. They rebuffed the girls rudely. The boy stepped up his harassment, standing at his doorway and masturbating when Neelima passed. Asha went to the police again. This time the cop gave her a scrap of paper with a number: “Jab rape hoga, tab bulana,” he smirked, (“Call us when there’s an actual rape.”)

A month later, Neelima’s naked body was found cut in pieces and dumped in a drain. Her neighbour — the boy she had been complaining about — had disappeared without a trace. Incensed, Asha went to the police again with a description of the neighbour. This time she was ordered to leave the slum and create no more trouble.

Here’s the story of a third. In Ahmednagar, a city in Maharashtra, a 13-year-old girl was forced to inhale chloroform by her own father so he could knock her out and rape her.

And a fourth. In 2010, in Paravoor in Kerala, another father filmed his own 14-year-old daughter taking a bath before he raped her. He then pimped her out to customers across the state, before selling her. Over the next two years, she was raped by 148 men.

And a fifth. In April this year, the 16- year-old daughter of a rich mining baron based in Gurgaon confessed to her teachers and principal that her father frequently took her on “bonding trips” all by herself, raping her in anonymous hotel rooms across the country. Her father also used to beat her mother. A case was filed just as he was going to take her off to Dubai. By the time child welfare groups reached the girl’s home, however, relatives had had their way: the shutters had come down. Though the father had been taken into custody, in the presence of her family, the adolescent refused to speak. Mother and daughter have now withdrawn their story before the magistrate’s court.

And a sixth. A 50-year-old mother from Punjab speaks of how her husband sexually abused their daughter when she was four. He would lock her in a room and tell her that if she made a noise, her stuffed toy lion would eat her up. When she noticed the bite marks on her child, the mother began to ask questions and reported her husband to the police. The case took three years to reach the court. Since there had been no penile penetration, the case was registered under the arcane clause of “outraging the modesty of a woman”; the father was let out on bail within one day. The mother, herself a survivor of childhood sex abuse, filed for divorce. The father agreed not to meet his daughter till she was 13. However, when she turned 15, he petitioned the courts for visitation rights. His daughter testified in court that she wanted to have nothing to do with her father. She is 19 now and still has nightmares.

Hear these stories and then imagine them amplified thousands of times — in every brutal variation — in every part of the country. Imagine 48,838 children raped in just 10 years. Imagine what it means when you are told this staggering figure — which is a National Crimes Record Bureau statistic — is possibly only 25 percent of the actual child rapes going on in the country. And that only 3 percent — a mere 3 percent — of these make it to the police. Imagine what it means when you are told child rapes have seen a chilling 336 percent jump from 2001 to 2011.

http://storify.com/monikamanchanda/csaam-twitterthon

Intractable, because the real problem is us. My fellow Indians and I and our attitudes toward the people who surround us. It’s the way we consider our fellow citizens. It’s the attitudes that permit a grown man to believe he can rape a 5-year-old and insert objects into her vagina. It’s what allows cops to imagine an acceptable response to this outrage is to offer the family 2,000 rupees—less than 40 American dollars—to go away, along with the reminder that they should “be grateful your daughter is alive.” It’s what governs the thinking of judges who, in deciding rape cases, advise the woman to marry the man.

It is those attitudes that worry me. Almost more than these awful rapes, they make me wonder where this country has reached and where it is going.

Last week in Jaipur, a father and his young son sat on the side of a busy road. Beside them lay his wife and daughter, dying after an accident knocked them off their scooter. Even in the grainy CCTV footage, he is visibly distraught, pleading for help. Yet over a period of 10 minutes, nobody stopped to help him. Not one person. Cars and trucks drove past, even swerving left in that characteristic way of Indian traffic faced with an obstacle, going way out of their way to evade him. What’s in the minds of people who see such a scene through their windscreen and then turn away to gauge how far they can swerve?

That incident set off echoes in my mind from a dozen years ago. Late one monsoon night, heading home after a late flight, I came across a man lying on the side of the highway, unconscious. He was the driver of a rickshaw, hit a few seconds earlier by a passing cab and thrown on the road. A few of us took him to a hospital nearby, where the doctors tried hard to revive him. In vain, though. Hours later, early in the morning, he died without having recovered consciousness. While we who had taken him there struggled to comprehend this, one of the nurses there suddenly popped up in front of me. “See?” he said, loud in the morning stillness. “He’s dead!” And here he pointed directly at me. “You just wasted your time, bringing him here! You should have left him on the road!” What’s in the mind of someone who believes that taking an accident victim to hospital is a waste of time?

The attitudes I am talking about are embodied in these two incidents, and in any of plenty more that take place every day. I remember them when my 79-year-old mother has to cross the road to reach home and cars actually speed up to prevent her crossing before they pass and she has often to leap nimbly out of the way. Or when the lawyer for actor Shiney Ahuja had this to say in court about the woman who accused Ahuja of raping her: “She belongs to a lower caste, which is aggressive by nature, and she wouldn’t have submitted herself so easily. They are known for being aggressive.”

So commonplace are such incidents that they don’t even excite comment, except possibly from columnists who fear for their mothers’ lives. And this is the context that, to me, has always shed the most light on our now nearly daily diet of gruesome rape headlines. Because underlying it all is a sense that, well, these things are nearly OK, and come on, it’s somebody else’s headache, and you know what, maybe she was asking for it anyway.

Though of course you have to wonder in what way 3- and 4- and 5-year-old girls are “asking for it.”

And when you put them in that context, when you shed that light on them, you start to understand both the magnitude of a certain impunity that suffuses this land, and what we can do about it.

Read on to know more

One day, Ritu’s mother had not returned from the market when Ritu returned from school. Ritu decided to sit in the verandah and wait for her mom. Just then Raghu uncle was entering the building. He saw Ritu sitting all alone and bored in the scorching heat. He called, “Hey Ritu! Why don’t you come and wait for your mother at my place. It is so hot outside. I have a holiday today. Do you want to play a new game with me?”

Ritu thought to herself about what Raghu uncle said. It was indeed very hot that day. She was tired after a long day at school. Raghu uncle was known to be a good man as he always treated children in the colony with sweets. Ma also asked Ritu to send delicacies to Raghu uncle on Diwali. Moreover, Ritu always loved learning new games.

Ritu was very excited and went over to Raghu uncle’s house. Raghu uncle had a nice and big house and lived alone. Raghu uncle told Ritu to sit on the couch. Ritu felt very lucky to be the one Raghu uncle had chosen to teach the new game. She was excited to learn the game so that she could share it with Sameer and the two of them could then play the game together.

As if Raghu uncle was reading Ritu’s thoughts, Raghu told her “The name of the game is the secret game; and it will be our secret game.” Ritu’s excitement was increasing by the minute. She looked at uncle with wide eyes.

Raghu uncle thought for a while and said, “I’ll throw a ball towards you and if you catch it you’ll hug me; but if you miss it I’ll hug you, ok?”

Ritu didn’t understand the game, but agreed to play it with uncle. She thought, “Sometimes games don’t sound interesting. Let me play the game once and see what it is all about. Then I can tell Sameer more about the game.”

Soon uncle and Ritu started playing the game. Ritu tried hard, but was unable to catch the ball. A little later she realized that Uncle would throw the ball a little away from her direction. Each time she missed catching the ball uncle Raghu would smile and hug Ritu and encourage her to catch the ball the next time.

She felt uncomfortable when uncle Raghu hugged her. She felt scared too. She was unable to understand her feelings as there were too many of them. She was very confused, so she pulled away and ran back to her house.

The following days Ritu didn’t go to play with her friends in her colony because she feared that Raghu uncle would play that secret game with her again.

When Sameer didn’t see Ritu for a few days he grew worried. So, he went to Ritu’s house to meet Ritu. He saw her sitting near a window and looking very sad.

He sat down beside her. “Hi Ritu,” he said. “You look so sad. You haven’t come to play with me. Are you angry with me?”

She still didn’t reply, but Sameer didn’t stop pursuing her. “Ritu, please talk to me or I will cry,” he said. Ritu turned and saw that Sameer was really worried.  “No Sameer. I am neither ill, nor am I angry with you. I just want to be left alone,” Ritu snapped.

Ritu’s rude behaviour confused Sameer. He was unable to say anything to Ritu so he sat quietly. Ritu realized that she had hurt Sameer, her best friend with the rude behaviour. All this, only because of Uncle Raghu who taught her the bad game.

Ritu didn’t want to hide the truth from Sameer and so she told him all about uncle Raghu and the stupid Secret Game. Sameer intently listened to all of it.

“Have you told your parents about this?” asked Sameer. Ritu hadn’t.

Sameer then told Ritu about how one of his aunts would hug him very tightly each time they met and that would make him feel very angry and confused too. “What did you do then?” Ritu was quick to ask.

“I told my mother about it. My aunt does not hug me that way anymore.” Ritu was very impressed with Sameer’s response. “Wow Sameer! You are a brave boy! But what can I do? I am not as brave as you are,” sighed Ritu.

“Even you can be brave Ritu,” said Sameer. “I think you should go and tell your mother all about it.” Ritu was very confused. There were many thoughts in her mind – “What do I tell Mummy? Will she believe me? Won’t she get angry with me and blame me for what happened?”

Sameer knew the task was not easy.  Ritu was very nervous but encouraged her to talk to her mother. Soon it was lunch time. After assuring Ritu that there was no need for her to worry and that her mother would believe all that she would say, Sameer left.

That same evening Ritu went to her mother. “Mummy I have something to tell you,” began Ritu and narrated the entire incident. Ritu’s mother was silent but observed her daughter very closely. Ritu broke down and began crying bitterly. Mother soon understood what had happened. She caught Ritu by the arm and said, “I am so proud of you dear. Good that you told me all about it. But why didn’t you tell me earlier darling?” asked mother. “I thought you wouldn’t believe me and would be angry and scold me for going to uncle’s house in the first place,” replied Ritu.

Mother hugged Ritu and said, “I am not angry dear. I know it is not your fault and I don’t blame you for anything that happened. Don’t worry. I will take care of this. You need not be afraid of that man. I’ll make sure he doesn’t trouble you anymore.”

That night Ritu’s mother taught Ritu The Touching Rules.  When Ritu asked what are touching rules, her mother said “Touching Rules are rules that will help keep you safe at all times. The First Touching Rule tells us that “It is never alright for someone to touch, look at or talk about my Private Body Parts except to keep them clean and healthy. Also, it is never alright for someone to ask me to touch, look at or talk about their private body parts.”

“So are the Touching Rules for times when I feel unsafe, like what I did when Raghu uncle touched me?” asked Ritu. “Yes, exactly,” replied mother, “you must use the touching rule at such times. You must say ‘NO!’ loudly and get away from the person or situation.

“What are the other times for me to use the Touching Rules?” asked Ritu. Mother said she must use the rule when any person wanted to touch her private body parts (the parts of the body which are covered by underclothes.)

Mother further explained that in such situations Ritu must get away immediately and, “tell me or any other adult who you trust and keep telling them till you get help and feel safe.”

Ritu was quick to ask, “Mumma, what do you mean by Trusted Adults? Who are they?” Mother explained that, “A trusted adult is a person whom we trust and who believes us. We are never scared of sharing our thoughts, ffelings and fears with our trusted adults because they listen to us and help us out.

Ritu nodded and smiled. Ritu hugged her mother and felt relieved.

Key message:

Touching rule No.1:

“It is never alright for someone to touch, look at or talk about my Private Body Parts except to keep them clean and healthy. It is never alright for someone to ask me to touch, look at or talk about their private body parts.”

Touching rule No.2:

If anyone breaks rule no.1, ‘Say No, and Get Away’

Touching rule No.3:

After getting away, ‘Tell your trusted adults and keep telling till you get help.’

• A Parent must explore the child’s support system, when explaining this rule to children.

For example: a parent can use this guideline to explain to children: ‘Who are these trusted adults, to whom the child can go for help ?

After this information has been imparted, parents can ask the child to list their trusted adults.

Parents may also mention some more people that the child may consider as their trusted adults.

Parents must avoid imposing their preferences and let the child decide.

( Arpan is a registered organization based in Mumbai with a mission to Prevent the occurrence of Child Sexual Abuse and heal those who have been affected by it.
With passion and conviction and a trained team of dedicated professionals; clinical and counselling psychologists Arpan began working on the issue of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) in year 2006. Today Arpan works in a focused manner only on CSA. We are thankful for their continued support in this initiative.

Site Url: http://www.arpan.org.in/)

As adults, it takes a long time to get past the doubts and nail something down as abuse. It is definitely more difficult for a child (a minor; that is anyone under the age of eighteen). When a child does realize it is abuse, he/she may muster the courage to talk to someone about it – in most cases, this is a parent. What if the child has approached his/her parent(s), and been dismissed? This could happen if the parents are not aware, or do not believe the child. It could also happen in the following scenarios -

1. - What if the abuser is a close family member – grandparent, parent, or sibling?
2. - What if there is domestic violence and the non-abusive partner has no voice?
3. - What if one parent has a personality disorder and the other parent is abusive?
4. - What if a child is neglected or emotionally abused by one parent, and sexually by another?
5. - What about a child who does not have parents, and abused by a caregiver?

First the bad news – These circumstances are not as remote as one would think. It could even be happening in your neighbourhood. The good news is you and I maybe able do something about it.

When is intervention warranted?

A child in any of the above scenarios needs help. How would you know?

1. - Watch out for unkempt appearance, uncut nails – these could be indicators of neglect and other forms of abuse.
2. - Does the child seem to seek affection and look for a parent figure?
3. - What a child says, or does not say, can reveal a lot. Pay attention.
4. - Has the child spoken of nightmares?
5. - A child’s stories and artwork can speak volumes.
6. - Has the family been moving a lot?
7. - Ask about cuts, bruises, broken spectacles. Do the explanations ring true?

Who can help?

Read on to know more

Seven members of a gang that abducted girls from Delhi and sold them to middle-aged men across the country as brides have been arrested. The four men and three women were reportedly caught in a police operation to rescue two kidnapped teenaged girls from Sagarpur in southwest Delhi.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/delhi/7-arrested-for-trafficking-girls/articleshow/19792807.cms 

Two minors rescued in a case of human trafficking

In a case of human trafficking, in which the Ratlam police rescued two girls aging 5-year-old and a 17-year-old from Jaora area, the police are now interrogating the accused to find links for further arrest of people involved.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/indore/Two-minors-rescued-in-a-case-of-human-trafficking/articleshow/19780491.cms 

Bikaner school bus driver rapes 15-year-old at gunpoint, held

Chak 42 KYD village in Khajuwala here has been rattled once again on Friday night when a school bus driver, Rajesh Vishnoi, armed with a gun, allegedly raped a class X girl student several times in the vehicle throughout Friday night after drugging her.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/jaipur/Bikaner-school-bus-driver-rapes-15-year-old-at-gunpoint-held/articleshow/19794754.cms 

‘Separate section for girl students on issues like harassment’

In a first, the state government has proposed a separate section for girls in schools and colleges to discuss sensitive issues like sexual harassment. It has also recommended three-month mandatory self-defence training for girls once a year at schools and colleges.

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/separate-section-for-girl-students-on-issues-like-harassment/1109071/ 

Homes, schools, school buses – these are the hunting grounds for sexual predators. But surely, this cannot be a new phenomenon, an explosion that is peculiar to the second decade of the 21st century?

But what about us in India? Are we were going to continue to pretend that sexual assaults on children is some sort of western import which is polluting our populace? Or are we mature enough to accept that we have just pretended for years that these atrocities were not taking place because of social pressures and the need to hold on to a pretence of perfection no matter what the truth was?

When Pinki Virani’s Bitter Chocolate was released over a decade ago, many refused to believe the stories she documented – including her own – of sexual abuse of children in India. Last year, when an episode of Aamir Khan’s Satyameva Jayate discussed the subject, there was perhaps more acceptance but about as much squeamishness.

The truth is that unless we accept that this problem exists, we cannot tackle it. Most of the newspaper stories have been about girls being molested. But we cannot imagine that it does not happen to young boys as well. And the less we want to talk about, the easier we make life for molesters. The strong familial connections in India can be a hindrance in such cases, where we do not have the courage to rock the boat for the sake of a child’s suffering.

Strangely, a moral reason is put forward to block sex education in schools. If children learn about how the sexual process works they will apparently immediately rush out to try for themselves is the fear. But if children are not taught which sort of touch is unacceptable, they will always be easy prey, especially when the molester is a trusted person. The latest horror story is about a three-year-old girl being abused on a school bus, where the parents only found out because she was kissing like an adult and on questioning revealed that the “bus uncle” had taught her to kiss like that.

Some schools are trying to get around the aversion to sex education by calling it “body intelligence” to educate children on the difference between ‘good touch’ and ‘bad touch’. This will at least give them some understanding that what is being done to them is wrong and has to be reported to an adult.

Read here to know more